This Is How We Love
by MissingMommy
Summary: 3 times Sirius believes Lily and James are better off just dating each other, and the 1 time he couldn't imagine it any other way. :: JamesLilySirius, for Abby.


For Abby. Happy Christmas, love.

* * *

i.

"Any particular reason you're avoiding me?"

Sirius' head snaps up from his essay. James leans against the the pillar of Sirius' bed, his arms crossed and a frown on his face. Sirius' heart skips a beat at his signature disheveled hair and the intensity of his stare.

James takes his silence as a welcome. He sighs as he shoves Sirius' books to the side and sits down. "Well?"

There's something earnest in James' hazel eyes that makes Sirius not spin him a web of lies. He averts his eyes. "I thought it would be best."

"You thought it was best to avoid me," James repeats in disbelief. "How would that ever be a good thing?"

Sirius lets out a groan of frustration and puts down his quill. He wishes that Remus and Peter were here to be a buffer between him and James. He's spent the last few weeks maintaining just enough distance between the two where it wasn't suspicious and he could still breathe. He thought James wouldn't have noticed, but he should've known that he would.

"Lily's finally starting to come around," Sirius says. "I think she might give you a chance soon, and you should take it."

There's a hint of bitterness in his voice he can't quite keep out. He doesn't hate him for falling for the red headed woman; he hates the way that he doesn't hate it. He sees exactly why James fell for her, because Lily is beautiful and intelligent and so, _so_ brave. He could fall in love with Lily himself if he wasn't so in love with James.

"What does that have to do with anything?" James asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"You should be together," he insists.

James is quiet for so long that he has turned his attention back to his homework before he speaks again. "Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?"

Sirius shrugs. "I think that's a question best left for Remus."

James groans and shoves a hand through his hair roughly. "I'm asking you, not Remus."

"Yes," he answers. He sees the tension drain out James' body. "Why does it matter?"

His best friend studies him for a long moment, long enough for Sirius to want to shift under the scrutiny. "Do you think that maybe Remus was wrong about our soulmarks? That we aren't just platonic soulmates?"

All of the air leaves Sirius' chest in an instant. It's simultaneously everything he wants to hear and what he doesn't. "James -"

"Because I love Lily, I do," he says, carrying on as if he didn't just tilt Sirius' world a hundred and eighty degrees, "but I love you too."

"Of course you love me," Sirius says, his heart racing and his palms are sweating. "We're best friends."

James rolls his eyes. "I don't love you in the way I care about Remus and Peter; I love you like I love Lily."

There's only some much false hope Sirius can take. He pleads, "Don't say that. You're only in love with her."

James laughs. It's Sirius' favorite sound and makes his heart contract painfully. "I thought you said that you thought someone could love two people at the same time."

"I do," he assures the other man.

"But you don't think I could love two people?"

Sirius swallows thickly. He just wants James happy at all costs, even his own heart, so he chokes out, "You could, but that's not what Lily deserves."

"Why are you so caught up on me being with Lily?" James asks.

"You've fancied her since first year," Sirius answers. He hates the way his voice trembles.

The other man frowns and argues. "But we've known since first year that our soulmarks match."

He barely resists from rubbing at his soulmark on his forearm. The triquetra with a large circle around it, and two half moons and a full moon matches James' perfectly.

"Remus said that soulmates are sometimes platonic," Sirius says, "which we are."

"You've got to be kidding me," a woman says.

Sirius' head snaps up to the new person. Lily stands at the foot of Sirius' bed as she shoves her wand back into her ponytail. He looks in between James and Lily, confused. "What -"

"You have an awful way of explaining, James. But you," she starts, pointing at Sirius, "think that, despite yours and James' soulmarks matching and the fact you're in love with James, that he should be with me."

James gives her a sheepish look. "I told you that you should've done this."

Lily moves around the posters and sits down next to James at the foot of Sirius' bed. She rolls her sleeve up to show him. His eyes widen in surprise as he sees the exact same soulmark that Sirius shares with James on her forearm.

"That's not possible," Sirius denies.

He's expecting Lily to roll her eyes at him, but her face takes on a softness he's never seen her take when talking to them. "There's been a fair share of multiple people sharing soulmarks, just as there has been platonic ones. It just happens that we all share one."

"So are you gonna admit you're in love with me yet," James asks, laughter coating his words.

Sirius swallows the _I love him_ on his lips. Instead, he asks, "What about Lily?"

Lily brushes a stray strand of hair from her face, and exchanges a look with James. "If it was meant that we only loved one person, we wouldn't all have the same one. I don't love you yet, Sirius, but I do care about you. And I think, given time, I could fall in love with you just like with James."

"Wouldn't it be better if just the two of you dated?"

James laughs loudly. "But that's not what either of us want."

All arguments that Sirius can come up with die in his throat. James looks at him earnestly and there's a grin playing on Lily's lips, and Sirius wants. He wants to know how this is going to end more. "Okay, we can try it."

James tugs Sirius close and kisses him. It is everything Sirius ever dreamed it would be. When they pull apart, Lily kisses Sirius' cheek.

"We'll figure this out," she assures him.

Sirius doesn't doubt her.

* * *

ii.

Sirius sits on Lily's childhood bed. He clasps his hands together, and twists and turns them anxiously. He should have never agreed to this. He thought he could do this, meet her family as one of her soulmates, but he feels like Lily's parents view him suspiciously.

Her parents adore James already. Sirius can't blame them; James has any easy sort of charm that old ladies can't help but revel in. Lily's father likes the way that James says, "yes, sir," and "no, sir," and the way he smiles friendly, the way James' affection comes so easily. But Sirius still hasn't felt like it was his place to show her affection.

Sirius watches the way that Lily and James smile at each other, and not for the first time, he wonders what he's doing here, encroaching on the love they clearly have for each other. He loves the both of them so much that it hurts, but what if they're better off without him?

He's lost in his musings when the door opens.

"I thought I'd find you here," Lily says, as she comes in and shuts the door. She sits next to him on the bed. "So what's on your mind?"

Sirius considers lying or shrugging it off, but Lily looks at him earnestly, and he finds that he doesn't want to lie to her. "I don't think your parents like me that much."

She puts her hand on top of his folded ones. "They're just a little shocked," she assures him. "They're come around."

"Your sister surely doesn't like the idea us three together," he says.

"You're trying to come up with any reason that this was a bad idea," Lily notes. She moves her hand from his hands to cup Sirius' cheek and force him to look at her. "We're unconventional, I'll give you that. But look around, I'm anything but normal in this family."

"Aren't you -"

"Sirius," Lily cuts across him, "I love you and I love James and the two of you make me happy. What else really matters?"

Sirius snorts. "Well, I can hardly argue with that argument, now can I?"

She laughs, and then smiles. "I hope not. Now come on, you're supposed to be making a good impression."

She stands and offers Sirius her hands. He stands too, and takes her hands. He uses his leverage to pull her against his chest. He wraps his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. He rests his cheek against her auburn hair. "In case you didn't know, I love you too," he says softly, tasting some of her hair that gets caught in his mouth.

She pulls away from his hold to meet his flint colored eyes. There is a bright smile on her face, and his chest feels so full that it could burst. "Oh, I know. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. Now, James is doing all the charming, but I'm sure you can use all your skills to impress them just as much."

"Is there anything in this for me?" Sirius asks, a familiar smirk crosses his face.

She winks at him. "I guess you'll have to find out."

Sirius kisses her softly before opening the door. "I'll take that challenge. One set of parents, charmed. I think I've got that covered."

The sound of Lily's laugh follows him down the stairs. And all thoughts of being inadequate are pushed to the back of his mind.

* * *

iii.

Sirius lands next to James on their front step. The other man kisses him quickly before he enters the house. The moment Sirius enters the house, he can smell the baked goods.

It isn't hard to follow his nose to the kitchen. James has his hands on Lily's hips as he kisses her cheek. Sirius grins at the two of them as he sneaks closer to the gingerbread cookies to steal one.

"Don't think I don't see you there, Sirius," Lily says sharply, waving a spatula his direction. "I will not have you eating all of them and not leaving some for the rest of the Order."

"Busted," James stage whispers to Sirius, "I thought I had her distracted."

Lily's lips quivers as she tries not to smile. "You may have one, Sirius."

Sirius snatches the gingerbread cookie quickly and eats it before she can change her mind. This causes James to laugh and Lily to smile.

"Dinner's almost ready, so go change," Lily says.

Sirius follow his boyfriend down the hall for a quick shower, washing the the sweat off both of their bodies, before changing into more comfortable clothes. When Sirius makes it to the dinner table, the table is set for three with four candles in the middle.

Mentally, Sirius quickly checks and double checks that he hasn't missed either of their birthdays, their anniversary, or any of other major event. When he comes up empty, he asks, "What's this about?"

"Well, I thought we could celebrate tonight," she answers, twisting her hands together nervous.

Sirius glances at James to see if he knows anything, but the other man shakes his head as he takes a seat. Sirius pulls out his own seat as Lily grabs her wand from the table and levitates the food to her. They dish out their food.

"So what is it?" James asks.

She bites her lip for a brief moment. Then, she says, "I'm pregnant."

Sirius' eyes widen with surprise as James makes a whooping sound. James pulls Lily against his chest as he wraps his arms around her. Sirius is still trying to process it when Lily touches his shoulder.

He meets her green eyes and stands to give her a tight hug. "That's perfect, Lily."

She rests her head on his shoulder. "We're gonna be parents," she whispers softly. After a long while, Lily retakes her seat and they start to eat.

There's a sinking feeling in Sirius's stomach. He pushes around his food, picking at it, until Lily and James finish. He goes through the motions of clean up while his mind wanders.

Before he can pick up his wand to maybe Apparate somewhere, Lily's hand wraps around his wrist. She looks a little upset as she asks, "Considering leaving again?"

He barely registers James saying, "Again?" indignantly. He's staring into Lily's green eyes and he nods. He stumbles through an explanation. "A child - I can't - I'm not -"

"You think you're not going to be a good parent, don't you?" Lily inquires, studying him intently.

He doesn't know how to explain that it wasn't that his parents were bad, per say, but they weren't the most delightful parents; they considered the Cruciatus curse a suitable punishment. It makes him wonder if things like that run in the family.

James clasps Sirius' shoulder, causing him to turn away from Lily. "You will never be like them," he assures him. "You're better than that, better than them."

"What if I'm not?" he asks.

Lily steps forward and cups his cheek, gently turning him to face her. "Why don't you try to be like James' parents? Weren't they more of parents to you then your actual parents? Besides, you've got me and James. You know we wouldn't let you become your parents."

Sirius takes a shaky breathe in. He pulls Lily towards him and presses a kiss to the side of her head as he feels James wrap his arms around the both of them. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the announcement."

"It's alright. Everyone gets scared sometimes," Lily says. "But know that we're just as scared as you, but we'll manage. We'll raise this baby together."

They finally part after a long moment. Lily summons more gingerbread cookies for dessert. Sirius chews on a cookie and hopes that he can provide the love and care that the baby is going to need. He hopes that James and Lily are right; he won't be like his parents.

* * *

iv.

A cry wakes Sirius up. He rubs at his eyes as he straightens. James is snoring on his left and Lily stirs to his right. He murmurs a soft, "I've got it," and he can feel her nod and murmur something unintelligible before drifting back to sleep. He snorts and attempts to detangle himself.

It takes a little squirming, but he manages to get out of bed without waking James or disturbing Lily anymore than Harry's cries did. He grabs his wand from the nightstand and flicks it towards the monitor.

He flips the switch when he enters Harry's nursery. The glow of the light turns the creme colored walls yellowish. From his crib, Harry is crying out.

Sirius uses a spell to change Harry's diaper. Then he spells a bottle ready. He picks up Harry and takes a seat in the rocking chair.

Harry's little hands hold on Sirius' fingers as he eats. The entire time, Sirius smiles at him, as they rock back and forth. Harry's blue-green eyes stare back at Sirius.

He can't wait for Harry's eyes to turn the emerald green Lily's are. He can't wait until he starts talking, crawling, walking. He can't wait to teach him how to ride a broom, do pranks.

He wants to watch Harry grow up, wants to be apart of Harry's life with James and Lily.

For the first time, Sirius doesn't want to let Lily and James have the perfect family; he wants to raise Harry with the two of them, to teach Harry that having two soulmates isn't that different from having one.

Harry blinks sleepily at Sirius after the bottle is drained and he's been burped. Sirius holds him in his arms, rocking gently, and says, "I'm always gonna be there for you, Harry. I promise."

Sirius puts Harry back in his crib and turns off the light. He shuts the door as quietly as he can.

When he gets back into the bedroom, he takes a few moments to look at Lily and James. A smile tugs at his lips and his heart feels full of when when he looks at them. In the time that it took for him to change and feed Harry, the two of them have shifted towards each other. He rounds the bed and pushes at James until he rolls towards the middle.

He takes James' spot and immediately curls up against him. It was an uphill battle but finally, after years together, he wonders how he ever considered giving this up.

* * *

So many thanks to Lo and Emmy for looking over this for me.

For Amber's Attic: Wheel of Fortune - write about someone receiving good news

For Gobblestones: grey stone - pregnancy; accuracy - (word) provide, power - (action) sleeping, technique - (emotion) surprise

For Showtime: Penny's song - (word) dream

For Book club: Thomas Jefferson Jr. - (word) friendly, (word) flint, (word) uphill

For Christmas at the movies: Miracle on 24th street - write about convincing someone of something

For Count your buttons: gingerbread, "It's alright. Everyone gets scared sometimes." and sorry.

For Jingle bell song challenge: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! By Frank Sinatra – (word) delightful


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